one of my brothers friends, and a boy in my home ward, committed suicide last week. i didn't know the boy, i'd seen him maybe once or twice, but for some reason i've really struggled with this. suicide has always really confused me. i've just never been able to understand what it would really take for someone to go through with it? but something has changed. as i learned more about this boy and the way some people treated him, i felt bad. horrible, in fact! it then became, 'i can't understand why people would treat someone so bad!' it started to break my heart as i thought of my own children... i've seen kids tell boston that they didn't want to play with him. and i've seen the hurt and the confusion on his face. in 6th grade i went through months of not having any friends because i told a lie to be 'cool!' i'll never forget the day that one of the girls finally decided to talk to me again! i've seen boston act rude to other kids. and i've always told him to be nice. because treating people badly has always been something that just drove me nuts!
i'll be the first to admit that i'm far from perfect. i'm not always nice, but i try. and i'm trying to be better!
at church on sunday, i was looking around at all of the women in relief society. and i thought to myself, there is not a woman in here that i couldn't be best friends with. that's when i realized how much i'd changed in the last couple of years. i didn't care if someone was overweight, wearing a dress from walmart, or their hair was a mess! and i wondered how many women in there were actually "hurting" to have a friend!... i'll be the first to admit that i've felt alone and like no one cared at more then one point in my life. never enough to think about taking my own life, i can only imagine feeling that lonely. but i have had that feeling.
todays one of those days. those days that i've felt completely alone. and maybe that's why it brought up all these feelings of the last week or so. it hurts, but you move on and you get over it! bullies are hard. how you treat someone can effect someone more then you will ever know. the way you emphasis something can change everything. saying one rude comment could ruin an entire relationship. ignoring a friend for weeks could hurt a friendship beyond repair. but telling someone that you care could make someones world. i hope that all of my friends and family know how much i really do care. i would do anything for the ones i love. and i just hope that they know that and would be willing to ask! :)
here's to hoping any of this post made some sort of sense to SOMEONE!
p.s. i wrote this post this afternoon and since have had some sad things happen.
we cut boston's curls off yesterday. my biggest reason for wanting to do this was because i saw the way some little kids were treating him a while ago and i just really wanted that to be the reason it was happening. poor bman is seriously too sweet and has such a tender heart! after a long nap this afternoon we figured we'd take him to mcdonalds to hopefully wear him out. after getting there boston went to play when i heard another little boy yelling at him and telling him, 'YOU STINK!' 'YOU'RE STUPID!' poor boston didn't know what the heck to do, so he did what any 2 year old would do and LOST it. obviously kids are kids. boston will never remember it and the little boy probably won't either. but i seriously broke my heart to see boston's feelings hurt so bad!
funny thing about his hair, kids HAVE been treating him better! adults couldn't get enough of it, and kids hated it!
and i've learned that some people don't change even after high school.
it's funny that after i wrote this we had some awesome experiences with it! ;)
and i'm actually going to post this. give me a high five?
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